time is flying by...or is it???

i have been living in toronto for less than two weeks now, though it feels like a lot longer. in a good way. i have settled in quickly and already made friends with some wonderful people.

i was given a welcome to canada party the other night and i got some lovely little canadian gifts. they included maple syrup, a canada key chain, a canada visor and poncho (that's heather), a toronto/canada placemat, a tim horton's donut, a shrunken jesus head (i'll tell you about that later if you ask) amongst other things. i felt very welcome and we laughed all night.

i have also experienced some great/wonderful/weird/nto so great things already in my short time. i have laughed, i have had hot chocolate, i have learnt, i have cried, i have seen people say goodbye, i have seen people say hello. i daily drink milk from a bag??? i have played cards, i have had a spa, i have eaten food that may be the worst thing i have ever eaten. i have seen a man wearing a full blue lycra bodysuit push a trolley down the street, i have seen sex workers walking the streets. i have been sworn at, i have been asked if i want to buy crack (though we don't think the guys who asked us actually sold it), i have walked past the guys at the corner who when i inquired, i found out they indeed are dealers and pimps (though i was also informed they are harmless). i have seen kids younger than 10 walk around the neighbourhood after 10pm at night. i have seen a few things happen in one church service that i haven't ever seen in my life (and might not see again).

life is not a destination, it's a journey.

Nana

Nana passed away on sunday in a moment that was decribed by my brother as priceless. Mum, Daz, my auntie, cousins and a friend of nana's were there. they had just returned from getting a coffee, while nana had been bathed. mum laid her hands on nana's face and told her that she was a rich lady, with so many family and friends. Mum then said a few bible verses from psalm 23 'the Lord is my shepherd...' and then said to nana, you don't have to fight anymore. and with that, nana passed away. mum said it was a really peaceful moment.

her funeral is on wedneday 26th April at 3pm at Lilydale Memorial Park (126 Victoria Rd, Lilydale)

here is something i wrote about Nana the other day:

Why I Love Nana
I love Nana's stories. She always had one, even if it was one you'd heard before. I love that she used to collect gemstones and that she went goldpanning. I used to be so proud that while other people's Nana's were at home knitting, mine was out camping.
Her love for Scotland.
Her love for her videos. The only reason that i today own a dvd player is that Nana had got one, but when she found out it didn't record then she didn't want a bar of it. So i bought it from her.
I love that she was trusting.
I love that she could buy a ticket and then spend the day on the busses and trains.
I love her soup. And i love that she would make us soup and then bring it to us via the trains and busses.
i love that she would always sing songs.
I love that she used to call us nudey rudey roosters when we had a bath at her place.
I love that she'd always tell me 'be and angel, like your Nana'.
I love that she'd always say 'well at least i gave you a good laugh'.
I love the way she hated green.
I love that whenever you got a birthday card, it was actually the second one she'd bought you, because she'd lost the first one somewhere in the house.
I love the way that she loved everyone equally - to the point where you'd get $1.50 with your present, just to make things even.
Most of all, i loved the way she loved her family. So loved everyone so dearly, to the point we'd have to joke that none of us could ever do wrong.
I love that there were always hugs and kisses and 'i love you's'. Along with these, at every visit, there was a 'you've really made my day, hen'.
I love you Nana, you've taught me a lot. How to love, how to look for the best in people, how to treat your family. i have been so blessed to have had you in my life and i pray now that you'll have the freedom that you have longed for in recent times.

a bit about my 'new' life

so it's about time that i gave you a little more insight to how my life in toronto is looking. i am basically working (volunteering) at a salvationa rmy corps called 614 in regent park in toronto. regent park is an extremely poor area with mainly families (roughly 60% of the 7,500 residents are between 6and 18 years of age). it is purely government housing (my house is on the opposite side of the road) and when you have enough money that you no longer need the assistance, then you have to move. so it's a poor area that stays poor. all the things that you imagine might occur in an area like this, do.
some of the things that 614 run include squads. they are like groups for kids - they do kids and youth squads. at squads they play, hang out, eat (for a lot of them it's the best meal they get all week), do some sort of bible activity and pray. they last around 2 hours. this may include pick ups and drop offs. that doesn't mean driving, it means walking. (side note - i have walked so much the last few days i would be excelling at the 10,000 steps program).
i have also investigated doing some volunteer work at some of the local schools. all of which are primary. there are about 4 in the area. but no high schools. however, at this stage it looks likely that i will get involved with a group called 'pathways' who do tutoring, etc for high school students.
my house is a three level, skinny thing. it's good. my room is down in the basement. the roof is kind of low, but if you know me, then you would realise that for me, it's not an issue at all. (i hope my brother in law doesn't come to visit!!!) i live with heather, who get's called by her last name - keeler - as there are lots of heathers here, and mike and mark. eloiys and maiva also live with us, but they are away at the moment. my house is a 2 minute walk from the office.
geoff and sandra are the officers (pastors). they are the ones who had been out to australia last october and i guess are the reason i am here.
well, that's about all for now. there's so much more to tell, but i won't do it all at once.
oh, and for a quick nana update. dazza ended up going home with mum (not sure if i blogged that or not). that was good. they went straight to the hospital to see nana. she is still in a coma. morphine. she has declined even since the other day. she is so heavily medicated that she can't respond to the family or visitors. they are trying to see if they can reduce the medication so she can acknowledge the family or if it would cause her too much pain. apart from that, no more news about her.

toronto

ok, so since i have arrived in toronto i have been very busy and done lots of stuff. but i'm about to go out for lunch so haven't got time for a big blog.
i have met some really great people here already. i am slowly figuring out things they do here and will soon figure out what i am going to do here.
i had some sad news about my nana. she has some issues and is now in an induced coma in the hospital. not really sure how much longer she will be with us. mum has headed home from the states with daz. updates on that later when i know more.

see ya later seattle

tonight is my last night is seattle - well, this time anyway. i always seem to be coming back here! that means that tomorrow i'm off to toronto. in less than 6 hours i have to get out of bed, and mum is driving, daz, his friends dan and kirsten and me all up to vancouver. where i will get on a plane and fly across the country to toronto!
i am feeling quite excited. not nervous at all. since i made the decision to go, i think it was last october, everything has just fallen into place. i really do believe it's where i am meant to be for the next few months.
though i don't exactly know what i am going to do just yet, i guess it will all unfold in the comin weeks. yay. i'll obviously let you in on this when i figure it out myself. two things i ask - keep me in your prayers and email me!!!

today was a good day. i got up ridiculously early to go to a dawn service. it was lovely, but very very cold. then i came home and tried, rather unsuccessfully to go back to sleep. then we all went to church for brunch then a service. the service was good too. people were really excited to be in church on easter morning and were really celebrating that Jesus rose from the dead and He is alive today. then tonight we had a few people around, includin my friend jake who i worked at a summer camp with a few years ago. it was good to see him.

goodnight. i am very tired.

the family photos

well, the photo session didn't too badly in the end. of course it rained when we wanted to do it. we took some in the rain anyway.
i went to church this morning (easter sunday) and it was excellent. but i might blog about that later. just click on the link below
http://w59.photobucket.com/widgets/dynamicflash.php?featuretype=bucketstrip&featurename=thefamily&pa=/g282/feehailes/
and you can see some photos.
or you can see them on www.myspace.com/fionahailes.
it's just a small selection.

different...but good friday

good friday was weird. back in aus on good friday everything is pretty much closed. so what usually happens in my life on good friday is i get up, go to church, come home and eat hot cross buns. here, in the states, people work. and everything is open. so yesterday i got up, had a late breakfast, went and did grocery shopping with mum, had lunch, went to the shops, came home for dinner, then went to church and then came home and had hot cross buns. it made it very different. but the service was great. we had communion (in the salvos we don't do this on a regular basis so i find it very special when we do). that was when it again hit home to me that jesus died. on the cross. for me. it was a different, but a good good friday.

today we are doing something as a family, which could turn out to be something marvelous, or could turn out to be a stressful situation for us all. we are getting some family photos taken. yay. arrggghhhh. mum, being mum, thought that seeing as we aren't usually together as a whole family these days (this is only the second time in 3 and 1/2 years), wanted to get some pictures taken. i'll let you know how it goes.

a comment...and more

today i just went...shopping. surprise surprise. but the difference was that today i bought some things. well, not just somethings. but clothes... of course. (see above). what else is there to spend money on??? i have added a picture of the latest items to be added to my (small) wardrobe. doh. i am already sick of living out of a suitcase (or two) after two weeks. oh well. only 5 and a half months to go of the same, small collection of clothes. now i know some of you would be like who cares. but i do. i will survive. it will be ok. i hope...

my new purchases (and birthday present - don't stress - it's not till july)

a comment i read(or heard, i can't remember) the other day went like this 'i'd rather be hated for being me, than loved for being someone i'm not'. hmm. i like it. but i wonder how many people in this world could truly say it? i would say that usually i am a fairly confident person and usually i would just be myself and usually i will just say what i think and feel (some would even say maybe a bit too much). but then again, i don't like not being liked. in some cases i truly wouldn't worry if a person didn't like me. but then in other cases, i really do like to be liked. i think most people, if they are honest, do like to be liked. this is where is gets hard. how far do you go to get liked. this is what that quote is all about. just something to think about. have a nice day.

ok, so i just posted this blog a few minutes ago and then i went on the 'sally bloggers' thingy on my page, just because. the first one that came up was in an asian language i didn't understand, the second one that came up was my brothers (i found that amusing), the third one was ok, but then i found this on the 4th one and stole it....(well they had posted it from an email they had been sent so i didn't really steal it!!!)

Does Evil Exist?

Did God create everything that exists? Does evil exist? Did God create evil?

A University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everythingthat exists?"A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!""God created everything?" The professor asked."Yes sir, he certainly did," the student replied.The professor answered, "If God created everything; then God created evil. And, since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."The student became quiet and did not respond to the professor's hypothetical definition. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?""Of course", replied the professor.The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?""What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?"The other students snickered at the young man's question. The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy,and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matterbecomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"The professor responded, "Of course it does."The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to breakwhite light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of eachcolor. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't thiscorrect? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor,"Sir, does evil exist?"Now uncertain, the professor responded,"Of course, as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light." The professor sat down.

The young man's name -- Albert Einstein.

A true story.

belated photos

me and daz at the aths and the comm games
at the tulips, daniel in his baby bjorn under kezza's coat!!!
me in the tulips - yes i am wearing a beanie - but it's the only day i have since i arrived. that was the coldest day and it was raning too - DOH!!!

not much today except i love my friends

i didn't do too much today. it was lovely.
i went for a run. the longest run i've been on for a while. around greenlake. i did one and a bit laps. it's a lovely place to run. water. trees. grass. people. people. people. and my ipod. i loved having my ipod. except sometimes i resist the urge to sing along. i think i should just sing along. but coz i am jogging, i can't sing very well without gasping between words and that wouldn't be pretty for those around me. anyway.
i talked to H today. i never knew that the detroit tigers were his baseball team. it was good to talk to him.
i also watched rent. i cried twice. some would say it's just about a bunch of people who have aids. kind of. but it's more than that. it's about friendship. ahh. i love my friends. i miss my friends. i haven't even been gone for two weeks yet and it feels like a lot longer!!!
here are some things i appreciate about my friends:
beth - for her love
annie - for the way she cares
cath - for being real
merf - for being genuine
mish - for being able to really talk
jayne - for being honest
H - for challening me and making me a better person
aaron - for listening
louise - for being accepting
tam - for always being there
nat - for being silly with me
jodie - for her advice
simone - for being faithful
sarah - for the fun
brad - a brother from another mother
and you know what the best of all this is so far - i could go on and on and on about all these other great people i have in my life. i am very blessed. and i didn't even mention my family!!! maybe i'll need to do a part two. i feel like i've just made a speech and forgotten to mention some special people. if you know you are a friend of mine and i haven't mentioned. i do love you too!!!

william booth

william booth was the founder, and the first general (world leader) of the salvation army. a brilliant man you might think. i do. i found one of dad's books (it's not hard to find a book that belongs to dad, there are so many), called The General's Letters. i started reading it. it's good. i'm not going to give you any quotes. but i do want to mention that it his passion was amazing. the amount of passion that is contained in his letters is mind blowing. after reading two letters (and i guess some previous knowledge), i am thinking that he was so passionate that if i'd known him personally, i'd probably think he was on the crazy side. but isn't that what they say, something like there's a fine line between genius and crazy??? anyway, just want to say that as much of a genius, or as crazy as this man was. i think he's brilliant. and his passion is inspiring.

today i didn't do much. did a bit of baby sitting - daniel of course. as well as wally. wally is dad's dog. mum and dad had to go away for a few days. where's my family??? this afternoon i took daniel and wally for a walk!!! ha ha. (don't stress kez, i really don't mind). my parents - they leave me to be an orphan back home, and then i come to visit and they leave me again - is there some message there...???

go sonics

the sonics won!!! it was an awesome game!!! we won by 2 points in a very exciting finish. we played the phoenix suns - just in case you were wondering. AND we got a free sonics hat (see picture below) when we got to the game (everyone did - not just us) and then because the sonics won and scored more than 108 points, we all got coupons to get a free 8 pack of pepsi. wow. the night just got better and better. we went home and daz and his friend were at kez and hil's (they had just come down to pick up some people from the airport tonight). so that was nice to see him. and to make a great night even better, his friend - fiona - had promised to get krispy kreme doughnuts for her roommates, so kez, fiona and i went and bouht krispy kremes. i LOVE krispy kremes. yum. so all round it was an awesome night. until tonight i never really had an NBA team. but now i am a true sonics convert, and all it took was a win, a free hat and a 8 pack of pepsi! oh and i also forgot to mention one of the highlights of the game was during a timeout when the sonics mascot, on rollerblades, was slingshotted (is that a word?) across 3 quarters of the court to launch himself off a ramp at the top of the 3 point line and slam dunked landing on big crash mats underneath the ring. that was good.

naomi, me and kez - true sonics supporters

this one's for renee

sometimes i get these crazy urges to do something crazy. to be silly. to do something stupid. do you get them too? i get really frustrated if i don't get to do something silly. anyway i had the urge to be crazy over the last two days. unfortunately i have to report that i didn't do anything. it's times like these that i need to be at work and go and find nat so we can get up to mischief together!!! however, when i left kez last night she was losing the plot, that was funny enough for me.

this blog is especially for renee (tam, tell her to read it). she gets all scared sometimes because she thinks there are two fiona's. the one at school that is all laughter and fun and then there's another fiona, the one that blogs serious things. hopefully this blog helps renee to see that the serious blogger fee can be silly too. ha ha.

yesterday i did my first touristy thing. we went to see the tulips. there are lots of tulip fields about an hour north of seattle. so kez, hil, daniel and i went for a drive. it was raining. we stopped at this little town called La Conner. it was a cute little place. but i felt like i should have been 40. mum and dad would love the place. we then went out to the tulip fields. by now it was pouring. stupid us got out the car anyway. daniel was zipped up into hil's jacket. that was pretty funny. we took a few pictures and then bolted back the car and drove home.

tonight i am going to do something else i have never done before - go to the NBA!!! go sonics!!! in all my visits i have never been. i am excited. we are playing the phoenix suns and apparently we are going to lose. but it will be fun anyway.

i'm a winner

today the hailes siblings fought out a tough game on the mini golf course. i won. yay. i beat kez by 10 and daz by 5. daz got off to a shaky start and made a remarkable comeback to take second place. kez got too confident and started smacking the balls off the course. didn't get up to much else today. daz was here coz he brought some people down to the airport. after golf, we came home and had dinner with mum. we did spend a little bit of time at the lyons house again.




daniel loves to play the piano. of course he can't do it by himself so he needs some help.

i watched survivor tonight. i love that show. i know some people hate it. but i just love it. the competition, the challenges. tonight it was interesting because the two tribes had already merged and the ratio is 6:3. however the 3 found out the bottom pecking order of the 6. they told the two and offered them immunity, but in the end, the bottom 2 didn't jump ship, even though it would have got them further in the game. it's a tough one. the guy who went out said the usual standard line of i was pleased with how i played the game, i kept my integrity and wouldn't have changed any of the things i did.
how hard is it to keep integrity in real life and who actually gets to define who has integrity and who doesn't. i mean a person can say they have integrity but then not really have it at all. hmmmm. with that, i am going to bed!

LOVE

what have i been up to? yesterday i went downtown. just did some window shopping at all my seattle favourites. mum and i babysat little DW last night. he was gorgeous again - but whatelse do you really think i am gonna say about him - i am the most biased and proudest auntie in the world, probably. today i went and had lunch at work with kez, then took daniel for a walk in the park - i walked, he slept. we are now back at kez and hil's where kez is busily preparing us dinner and daniel is asleep on hil's lap. daz is coming down tomorrow. i think us hailes children are going to play mini golf. how funny. i haven't done that for ages.

someone said to me just the other day that many of my blogs are not specifically religous, but more just about life. that's quite true. i think being a Christian is just about living life with a God perspective. so my thoughts on life would all, hopefully, be God inspired. just wanted to add that.

anyway, talking about not being specifically religious...

seeing as easter is on it's way, i decided, as i do pretty much every easter, to again read through one of the gospels in the bible so that i end up reading the easter story at easter time. wow. (i bet no one ever thought of doing that before). anyway, the other night i started reading through john. john's a bit different to matthew, mark and luke for a few reasons. i am not much of a biblical scholar, so we won't go there. anyway, john starts with a confusing passage about 'the word' that needs to be read a few times over so we don't get lost. then it basically records the time of jesus' ministry, which he started about the age of 30 and which only lasted about 3 years before he was crucified. last night i came across probably the most 'famous' bible verse john 3:16 'for God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life'. (side note - i say 'famous' because the older i get and the more i learn, there are SO many everyday sayings in life that are actually bible verses, i get amazed, but of course at the moment, i can't think of a single one to back up my brilliant side note). now i like this verse, it's good. well, it's the whole basis of Christianity really, but when i read the verse after it, i often wish people knew the two together, it goes 'for God did not send His Son to condemn the world, but to save the world'. what's so special about that? well i'm glad you ask. often when i talk about God with people, the idea that God is all about rules that have to be followed or about judgement comes up. and really, that's just not what it is about. God is about love. that's the best thing about God. if it was all about rules or judgement, well actually, i don't even want to think what it would be like if that's all God was about coz that would suck. (ok - so i do have thoughts about it, just not the right time or place to discuss them). anyway, point being, i hope that for all of you reading this blog that you remember this easter that God is about LOVE. nothing more. nothing less.

lightbulbs and other random things

did you know that if every household in america changed 3 lightbulbs from the old incandescent ones to the new power saver ones it would be the equivalent pollution reduction as if 3.5 million cars had been taken off the road???
what kind of lightbulbs do you have?

some things i have seen over the last week or so:

• a little baby, let's call him 'daniel', crawl across the floor naked, happy to be free just for a few precious moments, only to leave a wet patch on the carpet!
• a man walking along the road lifting his knees so high that he could have been jumping hurdles
• a man pulled up next to me at the traffic lights with a pink g-string hanging off his rearview mirror (that's not cool - and it was in Australia too)
• a mother cry when her daughter arrived at the airport
• the tallest man i have ever seen in real life - dad reckons he was almost 7 foot

don't let it slip by

do you know what's important in your life? just a light question to start with tonight. i have heard a few different people recently talk about two things in particular.
the first one is things vs experiences. do you want things in life. are you saving up for things. do you always want more. wish you had more. spend time figuring out how you can get more. or would you rather spend your money on experiencing life. on doing things. on going places. experiencing life. while i definitely can't say that i am not materialistic, i have definitely spent more money on experiencing life rather than accumulating stuff. i realised today when i was talking with dad, that this is my 5th time in seattle in the last 6 years. that and my other o.s. trips probably equates to a nice deposit for a house. i wouldn't trade any of my trips for that.
the other thing that i have heard a few people speak about is being real. living real life. having a real impact on a small numer of people rather than having a small impact on lots of peoples lives. or to put it another way, to have a small, intimate, real community rather than a large, less intimate, more superficial(?) community. those around me who i have heard talking, and who i agree with are saying that we prefer the former of the two.
i think it's a good thing in this world that people are different. argghh. imaine if we were all the same. that would suck.
i guess what the point i am trying to get at tonight is that you need to work out what's important to you in life. it would be a waste just to float along not knowing where you stand on these, or any other issues, in life for that matter. life is so short. i can't believe that i am 26. i often think, i don't feel like i am 26. but then again, what's a 26 year old supposed to feel like? if you then asked me what age i do feel, well it's not 18 or even 21. maybe 24 or 25? but then that's so close to 26. so maybe i do feel like a 26 year old. point being - life is short. as my mum used to say, actually, she probably still does, your age is what you make it.
if you want to do something, do it. don't look for excuses or wait for the right time. there will always be excuses or reasons not to do something, and i'm pretty sure the right time never really comes until you've already decided to do it.
don't let life slip by.

7 degrees

daniel, me and my new dark hair

i am in seattle. yay. i have seen my family, including of course my little daniel - see picture above. i flew into vancouver where mum, dad and daz picked me up from the airport. we had to hang around for a few hours to wait for some friends of dazza's who were getting a ride with us down to seattle. we were driving around vancouver, it was raining and cold, and i realised how little attention i was paying to place. is it because i have been there a few times now and it's no longer new and exciting or was it because i had been flying/in transit for the lat 24 hours and had only slept for 2 hours the night before i left? hmmm. yes, it's cold, kez and i have just been shopping and as dad dropped me at kez and hil's this morning, the temperature was 7 degrees. that's stupid. i swear i could feel my tan fading as we landed amoungst the cold, clouds and rain in vancouver. doh. i managed to stay awake till 8pm last night. i then slept for 13 hours. i was excited. i couldn't tell you the last time i slept for even 8 hours.

mum asked me if it was sad saying goodbye to everyone. i guess i wouldn't have called it sad. it was more weird. i think because i was so busy before leaving and daz had been over, it just kind of happened without any big sort of kafufful (not sure how to spell that). it was kind of weird saying goodbye to people. i mean, going away for 6 months, time will fly. and with email, etc, i think the world is so much smaller than it used to be. i know somethings will change while i'm away, but then there are also things that won't change at all. it's also kind of strange that i can just fly to the other side of the world and feel so at home. kez pointed out that seeing as technically at the moment i am homeless, mum and dad's is my home right now. if you've ever seen 'the castle', you'd understand when i say that mum and dad's place isn't just a house, it's a home. so that is funny that i leave my home (as in melbourne) and slip right into another one.

kez just asked if i was writing a novel, so i better stop, don't want to bore you. just make sure you tune in tomorrow for my next update.

oh and beth, jayne and annie - i'm wearing my new top today!!!